Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
I really want to know why half of my kitchen floor is missing.
Do you think the guy at the front desk was watching us last night? Although we were in a public pool, therefore our tits were free game.
I think my sister is getting tired of me breaking into her house so I can sleep with random girls when shes not there
Found her. Shes unconscious up against the room door. Her credit card is in the keycard slot
For future reference, Twizzlers CAN leave welts.
A girl at the bar is wearing green body paint instead of a shirt. Where are you?!
exactly. I want him to have to live with the fact that he fucked me. I want him to look me in the eye and say "you were a drunken mistake".
Well, no one has ever described you as a perfectly balanced individual
Mixed review. I fucked her in the river, but then we were assaulted by ducks.
how do you play pong handcuffed?
Dude, I traded weed for crunch berries. Happy Thursday.
Let's fuck under the stars. And by under the stars I mean in my bed underneath my glow in the dark star stickers.
You took a bite of the snack wrap put it down and fell asleep and when you woke up ten minutes later you asked how it got there, dipped it in soda ate it and fell back asleep.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
Randomize
