turns out the website for Dick's Sporting goods is not "dicks.com". It was a win either way.
i forgot how awkward it is to meet new people sober
she said, and i quote, "i want to black out with my rack out"
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I want to meet new people and vomit on their things instead\n
...oh my god that's like anal suicide
I'm aware. I'm writing the eulogy for my colon as we speak.
My goal for break? Fuck all my exes in reverse order.
Unlike bears, this weekend is not the #1 threat to America. It is, however, the #1 threat to my liver
Perhaps if I didn't mortify my parents last night with my drunken obnoxious behavior which resulted in the casualty of an entire decorative bathroom shelf which I completely ripped off the wall and left for dead, I would be more than willing to go day drinking.
I am debating about my sub. I am not quite sure I can be the dom he needs.
Just got biofeeze on my vag. Weirdest sensation everrr. Can't decide if I want to cum or cry
my favorite sex position is the one where no sex actually happens we just get really stoned and eat a lot and watch netflix in the dark
You must be buzzed on Miller Lite.. Zen master advice is flowing
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
Have you ever gotten so angry that you stripped in public?
Randomize
