I'm pretty sure I left my reasoning skills at home last night, and just brought anger and rage with me.
Every time my boyfriend threatens to commit suicide I change my relationship status as "widowed".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
So...i'm having a drinking contest, my right hand vs my left, i have a feeling the 24 pack is gonna win
just 'accidentally' changed my relationship status to 'in an open relationship' just to see what offers I might get if I were to dump him. it's not looking good
Some guy stole lobsters by hiding them in his pants. We should strive to be like him.
Normal vaginal pH: 3.8 to 4.5. Of course it tastes like a 9-volt. I could run a potato clock on that thing.
My night ended with Em alternately crying and throwing up in the arms of a guy wearing a cutoff and a tiara. I sat holding a garbage can and wine glass full of water wondering how our night got to this point.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
Anyone see the sob who took the piñata?
Let's go. I'm waiting for my time to shine among the stars of never never land. Make sure you bring my Peter Pan costume this time. Shit's bout to get real glittery.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Will you rub my calves while I masturbate?
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
