Well for starters i'm drinking vodka out of a bell pepper.
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
he had a sign stolen from the tennis court hanging above his bed that said, "please limit play to one hour while others are waiting"
We decided to cut you off after you insisted on eating peanuts by the dumpster
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I'm going to have to take an awkward trip to the front desk to ask them if they found a pair of turquoise shorts and an "I'm the Mom" sweatshirt.
So I'm at the VFW tonight and the shot special here is straight 151 for 2 dollars. They must hate our livers
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
I got punched in the face by a Cowboy last night. Then he bought me a beer cause o convinced security not to kick him out the bar. Start of a fairytale love story? I think so.
I really care about you, but im still gonna have to make you pay for dinner from the pain and suffering in my knees and vagina.
We found Mulan.
I thought you were in bed what the hell
carb up bitch. we're drinking with football players.
Vacuum the place before you go out of town there are random glitter cocks everywhere
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
I jumped the fence at the bar last night. My dress got stuck and I ended up flashing the entire patio for a good 30 seconds.
At the 10 second mark everyone started to whistle and cheer. Free drinks all night
Randomize
