There was an extended period of my adolescent life where my friends and I would get high, drive around in my minivan listening exclusively to the wu tang clan, and intentionally crash into snowbanks
I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
im pretty sure there are laws against slapping prostitutes
i'm pretty sure there are laws against prostitutes.
someone owes me an orgasm
I feel like im in a tornado of daylight savings, tequila and death
I got a hennah tattoo of my room number on my arm...I love spring break in Mexico!
She said her first boyfreind was so small she is still technically a virgin.
Dave, I love you but you're barking up the wrong lesbian. You sir are the competition. You don't threesome with competition.
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
sweating bourbon at client mtg -- you?
We had sex six times. In a span of 8 hours. Confirmation I don't need to go to the gym.
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
the fact that your 21st birthday is also new years eve is pretty much a death sentence
Punched myself in the face trying to open a bottle of Vicodin one handed. Night is going well.
Randomize
