I woke up this morning in a strange bed with a kid with an accent playing with my feet.
Is it weird i consider You Sexy Thing our song?
You sent me a text calling me "cunt" while i was in the middle of dumping my bf.
So we're fucking tonight?
It's not every day you get to see a girl fuck herself with a pickle.
Just went through ex bf's and hook up buddys and liked pictures of them on facebook. A friendly reminder that I will be back in for the holidays
I just met his other fuck buddy...I am thinking of befriending her just to fuck with him...manuplating my roommates into hating each other is boring me i need something else to do
And the clouds opened up and the sex gods said I hate you alfalfa
I just high fived you brother at the bar then immediately realized my hands smell like your vagina
He told me he wanted a penis beard so that he could look at girls faces when they gave him blowjobs. i have to say, i kind of admire his creativity
How is it that I've hooked up with not one but two guys in the children's section of a bookstore tonight?
I'm the man of the house if we're referring to livers.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
dude the dog literally grabbed the condom out of the trash can and threw it in the air i'm screaming
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
So my furniture is upside-down, two lamps are glued to the ceiling, and there is a kitten sleeping on Kyle's face. Please tell me what happened last night....
Randomize
