I cant help but queef when the male extremity enters
What is a male extremity?
i didnt realize it was that long since you've had sex
My morning has consisted of lying in a fetal position, eating a whole tub of ben and jerry's, talking to my cat, and setting all of our pictures on fire. Does that answer your question?
He took me to the bathroom in the gay bar to "just cuddle." Fool me once, shame on you. Fool me twice...well...
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
whatever. i don't care. i just want to be drunk wrapped in an american flag.
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
its warm now so i can go back to sleeping with guys based on their fuckability rather than how much warmth they generate.
The only things in my fridge are almond milk, Smirnoff Ice and chicken noodle soup. I'd say I've done mama proud.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Also- should we send out holiday cards? That say, "Eat a dick, 2014"?
I'll just tell you, some how when we were having sex on Friday my collarbone got fractured.
We shared a dick. We're practically sisters!
does 2pm fall under the wake n bake category?
well, shes hot as hell, but she does keep saying she's the president of the loch ness monster's fan club, so that's kinda a red flag...
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