I think I'd remember a dick in my mouth
I though she ruined it by crying, then I realized it wasn’t a tear, it was my great aim. It turned out to be beautiful.
Calvin and Hobbes are double-teaming a butterfly. They're in the bathroom, and drawing a crowd.
i'm laying naked in your bed you should probably come home
move.
I learned nothing from that class except drinking and chemistry go together great.
Is it bad that I was more upset about not getting the perfume he told me he had bought for me then the actual breakup?
Condom broke. Took her to CVS for plan B and parked in expectant mothers spot. I laughed.. she cried
this whole plan B standoff thing with her is really starting to make me nervous
I truly just stopped puking in my 730 am calculus class, looked up, corrected my professor, then resumed puking my eyes out. He was both impressed and disgusted.
I AM VODKA MAN
I haven't even sucked a boob is 6 weeks I hate not college
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
Updates: Made out with a teletubby last night in the middle of the street #lifegoals
I haven't gotten this high alone in a long time. I keep looking at the cat waiting for her to say something.
I think I may have fully transcended this spectrum of life. I can see beams of light man. Down to the photons
What
The only downside is I can't stop skipping
Randomize
