My 12 y/o god son's bandmate just asked me to their school dance. Still he's a better catch than the last one...
dude i dont realllllly have to fuck her do i? its just a mess down there and i think im gonna cry
you'll never believe how fucking awesome rain man is when you're stoned.
he wrote Vegans should suck on cow dick on her wall with permanent marker. thats how he got the black eye
They have edible shot glasses at target.
There really is a God.
I imagine anything that isn't a dilldo attached to a jackhammer, powered by a generator won't be amazing enough for you
Resolution for 2011: blow jobs are a privilege, not a right.
She tried to ditch the cab before she payed but she forgot to grab her shoes and wake me up
Do you ever just look at me and get embarrassed?
According to FB I fucked in a field 365 days ago.
Breakfast tacos?
YOU ARE A FOUNTAIN OF GREAT IDEAS
You just kept walking around saying "my brain is soup" then sat on the kitchen counter washing your feet. You bit the guy that tried to help you down
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
There is nothing wrong with me introducing you as elephant dick. Nothing.
He just jumped up off the couch, screamed "ITS OVER NINE THOUSAND!" And then attempted to fly out the window like a bird. I don't know nor do I care to know what just happened
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