Making out with married ex girlfriends: priceless
obviously my correlation between being a pro surfer and being extremely good in bed was 100% wrong.
i'm calling it girls night to make myself feel better but lets be real.....i wasn't going to get any guys tonight regardless
she pulled the sheets over her head to blow me but the static kept making little lightning bolts and I was too high and got really scared she was going to electrocute me.
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
If I EVER think it's a good idea to blow someone who just showed me their synchronized swimming performance on youtube again please correct me immediately.
I got to masturbate in Rome in a gorgeous hotel room. Don't try and tell me I need a boyfriend
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I would feel bad sleeping with her unless all of her personalities were on board with it.
YO. MCGRIDDLES.
Well the streak is over, I saw a penis today
There is a dude riding on one of those standing wheel things inside forever 21. Calm down.
You weren't singing into a microphone in front of an audience. You were screaming into your fist in the check-out aisle in Walmart.
you woke up this morning in a laundry basket, only wearing rainboots.
Just realized I've spent more nights sleeping on bathroom floors the last two weeks than in my own bed. It's time to reevaluate my life.
Randomize
