I just threw up a christmastime peep. I am literally already sick of the holidays.
I don't think I have ever been told that I am "probably too drunk to pet the stingrays" by a cop before.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Two questions for you. Did I throw up last night and did we get food or did I dream that..?
No you never threw up but you did force me to take you to wendy's because you wanted "beef and ketchup"
Druken naked yoga : jus another ploy to keep your husbands eye in check
I took shots of absinthe with my mom just now. Except awful things.
New wedding record, my shirt was off by 8pm!!!
Please come home, i don't want to feel like basket garbage girl but I'm in your alleyway and not sure how to change that.
Also, nothing screams "don't talk to me because I'm unstable" like walking around eating cookie dough out of the package.
You strapped the bucket of KFC into the carseat and refused to let me drive over 20 miles per hour the whole ride home. That high.
Just told my boss I wasn't coming in to work because of a serious case of blue balls. Totally made having them worth it.
I suppose what I've learned from this experience is that sometimes you just have to make out with a narcissistic baby daddy to make a clean getaway.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
My Hitachi broke 1 day into this stay home bullshit.
Randomize
