I no longer want to be the gay that plays in the revolving door at RelationshipDale's like a seven year old with a.d.d.
You were in the bathroom for two hours practicing "Revenge Faces".
You watched "From Justin to Kelly" and sang along to more than half of the songs. I didn't know whether to laugh or to be insanely frightened that you knew almost all the lyrics.
Apparently I gave him a 'Steve jobs blowjob'
Step 1: drink. 2: drink more. 3: go for it. 4a: success. 4b: drink more. 5. drink. 6. go for other girls. 7. drink more. Sound good?
Delete her number from his phone. He keeps slurring how he's going to get her "all sorts of pregnant".
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
no dont worry i changed into my costume in the hospital bathroom
Want to go swimsuit shopping? First one who cries buys ice cream.
ive started thanking my toys after masturbating. might be time to get some fuck boys
Are you serious?! She sent a pizza instead of showing up?!
She did indeed. Papa Johns. It helped because I was super hangry. That bitch is smart!
Do it break your family into faction start a civil war
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
i love discovering the tokens of our drunkenness from the night before. it's like easter egg hunting. today: smashed pizza rolls in the sink.
Randomize
