how do you clear previous safari searches on an iPhone? i asked my brother to google something for me and "big penis" "empire chinese food" and "reverse cowgirl" popped up.
I wish I could drop acid with the muppets
This morning I saw a frozen puddle in front of my RA's door and I laughed, assuming someone poured water in hopes that she would slip and fall. That's when my roommate told me I had peed there last night. Thank you Captain Morgan!
He just came into the room wearing nothing but a Speed Racer helmet. I think he just invented a fetish.
FULL ON LADY WOOD. YOU CAN SEE THE VEIN
It looked like his dick was wearing an argyle sweater.
Moments after comforting her about her boyfriend issues I found myself in the other room showing him my tits.
I knew you were blacked out when you started refusing beer.
Hey ask him if he likes swappy seconds
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
TSA literally pulled two bottles of whiskey out of my bag. Once he saw the leopard print socks and the mickey mouse tank, he put it back in my bag and said "Have a fun trip, man."
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I've sent two unsolicited tit pictures in less than 24 hours. I'm the female version of a fuckboy.
Matched with the lumberjack. Here's your wedding invite.
Randomize
