in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
I have no morals, kinda like you have no standards
None
My vag should have a twitter account. It would be like "destroyed another condom today".
you tried to arm wrestle for the title of "mom's favorite son"
Its only tuesday and I need a dd home from work. This is getting too easy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
Food lion is just a portal. Cheetos are the goal. Its like not banging a super hot chick cause she is french. She still has the same parts just from a different box.
Now I am going to fly my toy helicopter in the dark.
Just talked a homeless guy out of suicide. Was rewarded with a garbage bag full of mountain dew bottles and zannies. Im such a good person
My worst fear almost came to light...I was choking and the cats stared at me like they had no problem eating my face if I died
Haha. Maybe he's one of those feminine men who fucks like a god then makes you fantastic crepes afterwards
He was talking up his golf swing like other guys talk up their dick. Is this adult dating or just another flavour of douchery?
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
You know i love you, but i just cannot fuck you until your eyebrow grows back. It's too hard not to laugh.
Emily saved me from being trapped on my roof and then I beat her in a race at 5am it was a low key night
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