Hello, balls-out mistake. It's been a while.
Gave out candy dressed as a porn star...bet you can guess how the mothers kept reacting.
apparently it's a turnoff if you ask a guy why he thinks he needs to use magnums
I have mastered the 3 minute room cleaning drill in preparation for the nights possible slam-piece
Im pretty sure at one point a very high you yelled, with actual tears in your eyes, "im not wrestling with you anymore, you dont respect my safe word!!"
I really need to create fewer "the time I was on drugs" stories for my future memoir, "my first year in San Francisco".
good luck with that
Masturbating on the clock at work is my specialty.
first thing my tuition money buys is a strap on
When the cab driver starts laughing its a good indication of the standard of girls you are bringing home
I just want a man to crawl into my bed with me and never crawl out. Anti socialism at his best.
What I thought was my travel sanitizer was actually my travel lube. Most awkward transit ride of all time!
Homophobes nationwide are huddled in their bunkers tonight and I can't stop giggling. Could be the wine.
Should probably stop going into the gas station to look for the most normal person to hitch a ride with to drive me to a party
Hypothetically speaking how does one remove a lamp that they hypothetically superglued to the ceiling?
Acetone nail polish remover, and you lied about studying last night didn't you?
Oh definitely.
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
