3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
Dude, you really need to stop hitting on girls by telling them you sang a cappella in college.
I don't know what I could have possibly done in a past life to deserve watching my boyfriend projectile vomit margaritas and probs blood while completely naked.
we need to stop having unprotected sex.
ya i know. we're like the secret life of the american whores.
I just criticized a porno's use of editing. Film school is ruining me.
So how many shot glasses of coffee grounds make a pot?
great idea involving lots of fake blood and face paint, call me tomorrow.
Wanna tell me why vodka seeped out of the memory foam when I climbed into my bed?
Yes. I am getting trashed on an open tab while judging a karoke competition
Impressive. I approve.
The cute guy in my class hurt himself and is on crutches. My first thought was "Good. He'll be easier to take down." Like he's a gazelle and I'm a dick tiger. What's wrong with me?
That's what I love about being a lesbian. My roommate's boyfriend watched her finger me and then he made me pancakes in the morning. AND THEN HE LEFT.
I have a to do list for the summer and thing one is figuring out my sexual orientation
I'm drunk eating a quesadilla while this kid is tryina come over and I'm just like no. I want the quesadilla.
Bringing my mom Taco Bell and weed. I'm such a good daughter
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
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