I have a feeling we are going to become cougars together.
Even after projectile vomiting watermelon on the beach, it still sounds appetizing.
Accidentally spilled a drink on her roommates skirt, offered to clean it, and got a blowjob out of the deal. Something went horribly right.
Ate apple sauce off his penis. Nutritious and slutty.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Sorry I never showed up last night. It was between spending time with you and our freinds or having violent multiple orgasims. I chose the low road.
I fucking give up. OKC is where small penises go to disappoint me.
He's under the table sobbing because he doesn't live in a taco if you ever get him this high again I will stab you
He may not be fully over his current wife yet. But wait until I show him my tits in his office at the end of the day tonight.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
Man, that hitchhiker cursed me.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Did you really have to freak out and get up half way through to put the cat in the closet?
...
I just broke into my house with a butter knife. It kinda scares me just how easy that was.
he would NOT stop making out with my stomach! creeeeeepy
Randomize
