I just followed up on a noise complaint...only to find 2 girls in bikinis covered in jello with beer cans everywhere. I couldn't bring myself to bust that party.
I want to be a cop.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
Either he has two lazy eyes or he really likes my tits..
Just got booed while taking a piss and asked if I 'call that a penis.' Get me the fuck out nf yankee stadium.
I just found a Chris Hansen soundboard online, care to guess what I'll be doing all day?
it's already thursday and i haven't gotten drunk yet...something's not right.
I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
It wouldn't have been a big thing. If anything, I woulda apologized to you and cleaned the remote
I have effectively turned laundry day into a drinking game.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Im invoking the "no judgements" clause of our friendship.
My god, what have you done?
I know it sounds all cute and shit that I wanted him to be with me last night, but it's not cute. I just wanted to fuck.
Lets get drunk and then you just wraps me into a present because that sounds like fun after the past 3 glasses of wine I drank
someone commented on last weekends photos impressed that so many homeless people wanted to take pictures with us. weird that those "homeless people" are our friends... right?
he came over last night and we fucked with the great british baking show on in the background. it was beautiful
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