All I've ever wanted to do in life is right
Maybe you should learn how to spell write first
And I just remember seeing him for the first time and being like, who is this ape of a man? Like legit he could be the missing link
Manager just farted into the intercom. Whole place heard it. A number of people stopped everything and looked at him. Best. Night. Ever.
Now you know why i just sit on the toilet and scream
i was so drunk i stopped mid-blowjob to make sure he i was with my boyfriend and not some random. twice.
All I need in life is some dick and a big mac.
I'm considering telling her about my dream where I made a sex tape with her boyfriend. you know to test our friendship
I'm considering failing out of my last semester of college just so I can keep fucking him.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
She sucks. And I almost hooked up with a clown last night
Are you responsible for the syringes and miniature cactus garden that has magically taken over my fridge?
When he wears his hair down and sandals, he looks like Jesus. A Jesus I would fuck.
That's not what Jesus is for
I just cut open the plastic package of a Plan B pill using the bottle opener I carry in my purse. #whyidrink
You woke up, looked straight at me and screamed "fuck barbara streisand!" and passed out again
Is it still sex if there's no nudity, no orgasms, but the neighbors bang on the wall and ask you to stop? I've honestly forgotten.
Randomize
