The human being growing inside of her was a mistake. Lets just hope the boyfriend isn't.
that john and kate plus 8 dude has ruined asians for me
My hand turned me down
he's having a long distance Facebook-coordinated power hour. the status update has 159 comments ...
Dignity is for republicans.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
At one point I went looking for you and found you handcuffed to a chair. I'm pretty sure you handcuffed yourself. I don't know how you got there.
By cross-referencing our messages & her Twitter feed, I've deduced that she was eating spaghetti the whole time we were sexting.
guys I just made $20 cause these random south african guys thought I wasn't wearing any underwear
My boss followed me on Twitter. Excuse me while I delete 90% of my tweets
Best part about losing weight and not fitting into your pants any longer? They come off quick for chipotle emergencies.
Like, I want sex but I also would be okay with Netflix
For me the most fucked up part of last night was that I know for a fact that you were sober. But your dancing was a close second.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
Randomize
