I just saw a man with a full beard and frosted tips
there is no god
What are you drinking?
Shitty Coors light. OM NOM NOM TASTES LIKE HIGH SCHOOL
From behind she looks like Richard Simmons
I wish they had a smiley of two girls making out
lets start a swedish sibling band together
Spent 30 minutes in the board meeting trying to figure out where the foul smell was coming from. Thought it was the guy's feet sitting next to me. Then i uncrossed my legs. Turns out it was my vagina. Thank goodness for travel size febreeeze.
I was cleaning out my bag and I found some xanax wrapped in plastic with a note that said "use in case of emergency"
I made him breakfast and we cuddled on the couch watching march of the penguins, which is, in case you were unaware, the opposite of fucking on a pool table
Oh and I found some acid for the drive back to school, productive day
So burnt out. Like weed hangover. And someone just fell through the ceiling outside of my class. How's your morning going?
I'm not afraid to fist fight your child if I feel he is standing in between me and some tacos.
No no don't get confused. We do chemistry homework on Thursdays. We screw on Fridays. Other than that, Words With Friends is our only communication five days a week. We are NOT dating.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
It's 2016 and I am a strong independent woman who just wants someone not weird to touch my butt, dammit
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
Randomize
