....ANDDD I just became confused during sexting and sent my mother a text describing a "porno-worthy cum shot."
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
i think i got so emotional from a mix of getting my period and slapping the bag like five times
I'm going to rise like a phoenix out of the drunken, shameful ashes that were last weekend.
i had to apologize to my friends for being friends with me
just tried to puke while my RA was trying to puke in the stall next to me.bonded for life
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
How frowned upon is it to take your vibrator into the tanning bed...because Operation: dripping wet is in full swing and I have a busy schedule
you threw me on the ground pryed my purse out of my hands screaming " I JUST WANNA HOLD IT A LITTLE BIT". later i found you putting on my lip gloss.
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
Like what? And no, shrooms cannot be party favors.
I'm sorry I was just sleeping on the kitchen floor I'm too dead to think
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Also I just took the BEST ass selfie of my adult life.... it's gonna be a good day haha
Straight boys are literally imbeciles. If Darwinism doesn’t get them female rage will.
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