I have nothing to say, just wanted ur phone to vibrate
She laid down on my bed and played "I want you to want me" on my laptop. subtle.
Just watched my manager erase "we've been 2 days wo an accident" and change it to "0" these ppl are too high.
Your brother just informed me that half a mouthful is a unit of measurement. I love talking to members of your family.
How do you say "I always respond to booty calls" when you give a guy your number?
Either way, he made a blog for his cat.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
I'll still trying to understand the context of your "punch her with my cock" comment.
Not only is it unacceptable to be bar hopping alone at 5 o'clock. It is definitely unacceptable to do so with a lobster
I'll give you $10 to get a dick pic with a gecko on it.
I found a video of myself completely naked on my phone giving a drunk tutorial on how to shit properly while blindfolded. Did you record it?
bringing my vibrator into the shower with me. if I don't text back in 30 minutes I have electrocuted myself and died.
May the force be with you.
Oh! You were the one walking around cradling the bottle of Fireball all night!
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
I'm not gonna ask the guy I've fucked like 3 times if he is insecure about his eyebrows.
Randomize
