Just gargled Fireball to get the fish taco taste out of my mouth. Almost as good as gum.
That's why you don't touch shit after fingering somebone
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
He tried to blame not having a condom on the economy.
So me and friend just finished Eiffel towering this girl and sounds great in theory but after the high five has commenced its just a weird threesome especially when you make eye contact with your buddy during the session
woke up on the kitchen floor in the recovery position. at least drunk me remembered sober me's emt training
being able to look good while almost puking is a skill that takes a lot of puking to develop.
any interest in drunk sledding later? if not, any interest in driving me to the hospital later?
Held my professor's hair back while she was puking. I'd better get an A out of this or else the pics are going on Facebook.
Semen is not good for contacts.
My picture of a beer can in a McDonalds cup full of ice got more likes than my relationship with her. Is beer THAT much better than monogamy?
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
Jager makes that raccoon appear... The one that shits in a basket in my living room.
I can't believe you're forcing me to handle this hangover sober
Charging my vibrator at work. Pray to god I don't forget it!!!
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