Im in Brooklyn, he wasnt 23 or a musician pick me up
why dont you just whore around college until someone loves you...thats how it works for girls isnt it?
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
no seriously he was fingering me like he was really really frantically looking for a song on his iPod.
The port-a-pottys are knocked over so I have nowhere to sleep.
New rule: gentleman callers are required to bring me gifts of beer when coming over to court you. Tell the monster jam dudes so they know.
Court can wait. right now you and your magic penis need to be here satisfying me.
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
So apparently they remodeled our middle school. Looks like we'll need to find a new roof to play beer pong on this summer.
We go out, we get drunk, we watch Star Wars, we pass out. What's wrong with this tradition?
Only real friends lend their restraints to engagedfriends to fool around with married strangers.
I'm like a sensual ninja. You turn your head for a second and.... BOOM I'm naked. It's like a naughty magic trick.
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
I watched a compilation video today of a guy banging his sex doll to edm music. I just had to tell someone.
I need a sign that says “please don’t make plans with me if I’ve had two or more drinks. I will regret them. I will have bitter feelings towards you. Then I will cancel and feel guilty.”
Randomize