it was all downhill after the free blackjack taco
We were hooking up and you crawled into bed with us, because you had lost your phone and didn't "want to be alone at a time like this."
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
At least the cops kept you away from sleeping with her. Protect and Serve.
Doctorate. Vaginahole. Cinnamon. Rainbow. Fill in the blanks in the morning.
Is singing the Indiana Jones theme while I put on the condom off limits?
I'm not the one who can lose their erection, so it's fair game
Things you Cant unsee: When your smartphone syncs to your dads laptop and downloads photos...including his porn stash.
Just do it. I grew some lady balls and did it last year. It's your turn. Time to show what you're made of. Hit it or quit it.
I almost died today via plastic wrap. I AM THE REASON THEY PUT WARNING LABELS ON THINGS.
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
guy at the bar just asked how many cows we have on our land, then proceeds to ask me out. you know your from the country when....
Under no circumstances is tits McGee to make that kind of decision about my life!
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Is it just me or is it like a girl gets married and all of a sudden she’s a “blogger”?
Block me from your phone tonight…I need to get laid tonight. But you've been being a douchebag. So not by you. But I might call you. So block me.
WHY WOULD I COCK BLOCK MYSELF???
Randomize
