my girlfriends now gay ex-boyfriend kissed me. tell maddie i can't hangout today
In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
Just had perfomance review. I was told the best example of my integrity was when I told my boss I was going to fail the random drug test due to my weekend coke binge. She said that took a lot of character.
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
my tonsil wound opened up during the kegstand but i stopped it with a popsicle
My dad caught me fucking in the pool last night. He proceeded to tell me I needed to "quiet things down" while this guys dick was still in me. Worst daughter ever.
I made out with a guy because he was sitting on my coat...
How was that my fault?! I made you breakfast and gave you cake, as you asked. Then, you initiated sexual activity.
I just smoked a joint and ate a sandwich while watching someone get arrested. Bonnaroo is a silly place.
I've decided that it's a bad thing. But I've also decided that I don't give a fuck.
I JUST BROKE A NAIL MASTURBATING. WTF I could even enjoy my orgasm bc now I'm gonna have to spend $50 on my nails.
Man I can't believe I took a huge dump in a public garden
Man I just realized that my only life problem right now is that I have to convince myself not to fuck a 19-y-o
Randomize
