God help me. Come pick me up. The guy told me this is not a hotel and i had to leave.
he kept farting in my kitchen and blaming it on the dog. then we went to wendy's and he spent twenty minutes in the bathroom. im pretty sure he shit his pants.
you should have known when you found out he drove a mini cooper not to hang out with him.
Oh my god it just tripped me out that I used to be a baby, I had to tell you.
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
I feel like the only solution to this is to get naked and lay in the shower for a hour then see what my penis wants to do.
You will receive a large, large reward, worth much more than the actual phone you are holding, paid not only in cash but in sexual favors, if you return this phone! Please respond if you're interested in cash/sex/or just being a good person. Thanks and hope to hear from you soon!
I JUST MACED MY OWN FACE
This is by far the best text I have ever woken up to.
1. Are there men involved 2. Is there food involved 3. Do I have to put pants on 4. Do I have to leave this bed
I just heard my parents fuck. What. The. Fuck. My rooms right under theirs.. My dad barely even lasted a minute. Im almost ashamed..
We just laid there in bed together, petting his dick and repeating, "IT FEELS LIKE VELVET!!!"
We invented this drinking game where you pick and random video and drink for every misspelled word in the youtube comments. It did not end well.
My vagina was just really confused why you weren't inside it
Well, you're 18 and dating a 28 year old. Who has a wife. Who isn't you. I would guess that's why your mom frowns upon the relationship.
Straight up last night my mom was like josh you need to find a job that doesn't include the selling or transporting of drugs
Just make sure you put pants on
....then im not going
Randomize
