Hey man sorry I got all grabby
what happens if a cat eats a birth control pill? i mean i don't care about the cat i really just don't want to get pregnant
i woke up with a shirt on. the kids in my daycare group had a lot of questions when i took off my shirt at the pool to reveal "property of brittany" written on my chest and an arrow pointing to my dick.
we already have meals planned for the weekend.
SEMEN IS NOT A MEAL.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
I should start wearing my Batman shirt more often when I drink. Good things happen. All sorts of shit.
Date idea: we should go to the store and buy all the different kinds of Lay's and eat them all
I had to ask. I mean when you get a snap chat of a nipple you have to ask who's it is.
I'm pretty sure the Jahovah's witness only came to our door because the front says "Twerk Or Treat"
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
There were 7 of us cowering in the kitchen because you were swinging a giant, pink double headed dildo around like a nunchuk and hitting anyone who came near you with it.
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
I just realized I'm having shark week, during shark week.
Jungle juice breakfast? No? Ok.
Randomize
