3 of us had 22 margaritas. Hellllllo yellow cab. Goodbye morals.
I was just texting to see if your vagina was working yet.
"Shots" has been nominated for a grammy. Now all of the US has sunken to our level...
Tis a story best told in person, it involves a golf course, police and vomit
It usually does with you
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
Its only fair we share our golden vaginas with the world. It would be selfish if we didn't.
Maybe walking up to the cops busting our party with a "Things go better with Coke" t-shirt on and asking for my extra license back that my little brother got busted with wasn't the best idea of the night.
I'm drinking too much free beer
Thats like saying one owns too many kittens. It's not possible.
I'm responsible for my client's overall well-being. Which is terrifying coming from someone that can't stop masturbating and eats leftover pizza just about everyday.
She dressed up in a sexy maid outfit for me, but she got mad when I asked her to actually do some cleaning.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
Everclear isn't food dammit
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
My first hangover at work. I'm officially an adult.
I just kept eating and watching him slide down the stairs head first
Randomize
