her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
Ive never seen him vulnerable before. He just had surgery and looked so cute on his crutches. like a little baby bird with a broken wing. that i wanted to nurse back to health. with my vagina
Had the longest conversation today with a potentially homeless cuban woman about mind control.
Bud light lime after 12 shots of vladdy is like frolickin in a meadow of sweet flavor
Turns out I sent a dick pic to my sister's ex. Grindr is the devil's eharmony.
Nah, just ran around, pinned random men to walls, bit their lips of and booked it.
Will you be my therapist? I don't want to tell me secrets to a strange person and be judged all over again when you have already taken the time to do it. Oh and I will pay you with alcohol
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
the police report says i screamed sanctuary from a jungle gym at the playground when they caught up with us, obviously they disregarded international law.
Very unfortunate to find out the kid who took your virginity has never seen Star Wars🙃
Lol it's kinda hilarious. I left missing one glass... guage. I feel like Cinderella... but less classy.
Okay everything with a penis is officially dead in my eyes
i really love you but i feel kinda dumb about it
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