Did I ever tell you that the first person i made out with cried?
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
people will do anything to get on MTV. like get pregnant.
She was walking with the authority that 2 beers gave to a light weight.
you're a mystery wrapped in an enigma. wrapped inside a burrito.
I went out in a blaze of glory. I failed the field sobriety test by saying ABCD FUCK YOU.
In an m&m suit playing manhunt drunk. And you thought you werent guna have a good time
hungover and i feel like a burrito
like eating one or like you are one?
like i am one.
I NEED ANOTHER LEVEL OF CAPS TO EXPRESS TO YOU THE MAGNITUDE OF MY FADDEDNESS
He wanted me naked, so I got naked. You can't hold that against me.
I have fireworks and redbull; let's make heart attack inducing magic happen.
My little brother came home while I was sitting there icing my vagina with a bag of peas. Asshole looks at me, high fives Ryan, then leaves.
I can't tell if my roommate is crying or having sex and the fact that there's anime in the background is only making this more confusing
I woke up and saw that my last google search was "Bacon neck".
Dude, A DAMN CHEESEBURGER HIT ME IN THE FACE!!! WTF was i suppoused to do!?.
Randomize
