i'm sure her mom would have loved to find out her daughter has herpes via facebook
so i had a choice between studying for my physics test on fluid dynamics or spend the night with my girlfriend. hello doubletasking.
Jus posted an album so big that it takes my manhood into question
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
You know, he picked a really shitty time to stop sleeping with me to pay attention to his girlfriend.
Just orgasmed in traffic. Starting to have feelings for my commute.
Hey. Me and my buddy are drunk. you wanna give us tattoos of the hawaiian punch guy we shall pay very well. Seriously dude. no bull shit.
nobody was home so I boiled the dildo
I need my daily rules like rule one don't put your dick in the vacuum cleaner
Even my conscience is telling me to take this Wednesday's exam buzzed.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Juice tastes so weird without alcohol
Drunk man just fell out of said wheelchair
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
