Slept with that guy from the bar last night. Only got 2 1/2 hours of sleep. Eyes were so bloodshot this morning that the principal sent me home b/c she thought I had pink eye. God I love teaching elementary school...
Dude, TWO hot chicks on jeopardy tonight. gonna be a good one
Dude, I am so turned on right now. Hot chick with glasses from brooklyn is absolutely crushing right now, taking whole categories. might beat off to jeapordy...
do another line during during the commercial and make the magic happen during double jeopardy.
this is the second time this summer that a girl has called me a ken dol
you shouldn't let them see you without your pants on
Free beer happened. I got hammered and aaron did his first keg stand. Then went all martha stewart on redecorating the bathroom. I remember being at walmart
What theme did he decide on for the bathroom?
Well as you know martha loves the northeast this time of year. I believe the theme was 'coney island' decorrated with hot dogs and macaroni
So i know you wont get this until you land, but if i'm late its cause i was having sex. being blunt and hope that explains things.
Jim came in did 3 body shots of her she said "I like your tongue" and they left. I swear to god its deja vu he's done it before
I told them the reason I passed out was because of "heat exhaustion." Not from showing up drunk. Good thing this is Arizona.
Nothing like wearing your heels and smelling like henney in the afternoon
Covered in confetti and bad decisions
I was about to smoke a bunch of weed and lay naked while I cried all day
I taped a pair of scissors and a coupon for a waxing on the door. He gets to choose.
I'm gonna write a book one day about how to be the less attractive person girls settle for after getting dumped. I will send you a copy
Dinner at my parents is vodka, lemonade, cheese ad crackers. Why would I leave?
Man I can't wait till Thursday if strippers and beer are what you consider "research"
You make me want to do things that I'm pretty sure are illegal.
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
Randomize
