If I don't wake up snuggled up to 14 ice cream sandwiches, my life is incomplete.
I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
If you're trying to piece together your night, I can tell you where those tassels came from.
I was chocking and even did the sign for it..And you continued to just laugh
You stood next to him taking HUGE gasps of air in an attempt to second hand smoke his cig because you didn't have one...
come over, blizzard of oz party. dress up.
He was going down on me and raised up for a minute, slipped and punched me in the face. My lady boner left immediately.
She alternated between blowing me and feeding me bites of the sandwich she made for me.
I just let my hand run under cold water for five minutes. I couldn't stop staring at it and the only things I could think about were how amazing it felt, how cool water was, and what a wonderful world it is that we live in. Reasons why I don't smoke...
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
I am a figure skater. You should know better than to let me get drunk near any patches of ice during Olympics season.
So I got cockblocked by our relationship status last night
Soo are you just gonna poop in my bathtub and not talk to me anymore...?
I’m literally lecturing this class on professionalism, while my body is undoubtably covered in leftover cum from last night. I’m a fucking role model.
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