last night was a success...if success means i don't remember the guy's name and my panties are somewhere in the parking lot behind the bar
It was confusing and full of hummus
May or may not have found my way onto a stripper bus. To Chicago.
That's like lying to my vagina. I can't betray it like that.
In the future let's not drunk dive in the fountain in front of the hotel bar.
and if my full six pack comes in by Halloween there is no stopping the man slut costume. I have no shame
Where are you, who is in my bed, why is he wearing a spandex onesie as underwear, how did i get teethmarks on my forehead, what are we doing tonight?
All of a sudden i love everyone. In all their flawed and failing beauty. This is pretty good weed.
I can't turn my head to the left, I'm pissing out of my ass, and my finger went through the toilet paper today... I need you.
look in the field by the highway and see if there is a high heel there. Or some Taco Bell bags.
eating on the run again ?
I hate that we are older than the real world people now
Like what did he say to his host family? The girl I causally sleep with on the weekends is coming over?! And they thought "well lets feed her dinner"
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I just instagramed a picture of an ostrich in case you were wondering what I did with my night
They sent him a photo of me smoking a bong whilst wearing the dinosaur head. I think that's the last we hear of his nonsmoking fitness freak ass 🤷🏼♀️
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