I'm kindof freaked out about my cock not getting up this morning. Cove over later so I can sort this out. Do not post this on texts from last night.
Damn that would have been a great one. Hahah and don't worry...
tequila makes her clothes fall off
wow Mom, sounds like youre having a good time
I finally beat you i just fucked my professor last night!!!\n\n
sry, psychiatrist trumps professor
the only sentence i could make out from her was "i will wash these herpes away"
lets grab drinks (in a friendly, not super awkward because ive eaten your ass kind of way) sometime soon
wow.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
No dude trust me, just go a strip club at their busiest hours and pick the ugliest chick. Guaranteed she blows you for under 20$, the record stands at $7.67 and a pen from Bank of America,
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I vaguely remember Matt shouting something about "GET ON MY LEVEL!" at the bartender before he attempted to order a case of tequila from him.
I woke up the other day with my Google browser open to "DIY lip injections"... I also just received a vial of hyaluronic acid and a package of TB syringes from amazon. I'm down.
I will have no part of this.
please come back they are interrogating me about masturbation
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
Facebook just reminded me of the time I found two IHop cheese sticks in my hand bag. Those were the days.
Just saw the cop you hooked up with over break. He’s def hotter in uniform.
Tell him to stop shaving his pubes. #Notmyjam
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
