Answer the phone when I call you in a second. Just got pulled over for getting road head, going to secretly put you on speaker phone, this should be good
Chris' response to jim throwing up was taking off his shirt and saying WHO WANTS A BONER
Just remembered throwing your phone at your face in a half-drunk stupor the other morning when your alarm went off. Thought I should apologize.
What time do you think the pilgrims started drinking? I want to be as accurate as possible.
Katy Perry is on a Proactiv commercial. That "I kissed a girl" shit is so much less hot now.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
Either I put my underwear on inside out and wore it like that all day, or I had sex with him. Its sad I have to guess.
You know it is an interesting night when the 911 operator calls you
No need to talk. Eventually, he'll either stop coming over, or decide that it's a relationship.
And if not?
...I keep getting free bourbon and great sex with no expectations. You really don't understand that there is no "down side," do you?
He put my hand on his penis and said welcome home.
But really- as the voice of your vagina I am BEGGING you to do it. If not for yourself than for your poor innocent puss
We were having sex and my nose just started pouring blood. He reached down to the floor, grabbed a sock and held it to my nose. He just kept pounding away like nothing was happening.
But I did discover that he's totally okay with going down on me while I eat taco bell so that's a plus, right?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I mean, I'm not hammered, but I definitely can't show my face or tits in that bowling alley again
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