his prince albert piercing just severely cut the roof of my mouth. can you pick me up at the hospital if he drops me off?
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
if I want to go home with a foreign boy, please feel free to let me go, sober me gives you permission to let drunken me do it
I really want to go out tonight but part of me wants to be able to honestly tell the judge tomorow that I didn't
Lemme guess, I was the one completely shit faced making out with the 50 year old...
LOL, wrong number bro. Good luck trying to figure out what happened though..
Leave the bottle at home cause either way I'm not taking another shot. You have no idea how long it took me to compose this text free of grammatical error.
Gold star for you, but I'm on my way and the soco is buckled in next to me. This is happening.
I just woke up in bed, rolled over, and found a whole pizza.
this is the second day in a row.
Oh. Yeah. It's the same pizza then.
Just out of curiosity. Did you wait until my fb picture was well liked by others before liking it so people won't know we're fucking?
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
and then you called me a third time and yelled that you were stealing a puppy named Willow
I don't understand why you're so excited, it's my vagina not yours.
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Me and dad were just reflecting on that time he found a gas mask bong in the backyard.
Randomize
