those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
her vagina looked like a handful of raisins.
Nope changed our mind. Decided your strange bacon like body odor wasn't what we want to smell tonight.
his cum tasted like old pizza and looked like old milk
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
Tonight's trip to the ER was brought to you by, "fork jousting."
My ex was there, the 2 girls I'm seeing showed up and I had a pocket full of VIP passes 2 the strip club. Had all the makings of an epic night but I fell asleep at the bar.
Dude it's bad when your 10 year old son makes fun of your penis size.
My neck kind of hurts. I think from sleeping on the concrete.
I just shit my bed. Go ahead and make your 40 year old incontinence jokes now.
It's volleyball. Just do it. You want to look sporty. Save sexy librarian for another day.
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
Just paid for my STD meds using a giftcard I got for Christmas. Thanks mom.
National tequila day this year falls on a Monday. I've never been more disappointed in my life.
Sometimes I look at dogs and just thing about how it's weird we both came from wolves
Lay off the drugs kid
Randomize
