the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
The only dream I remember having is one where my dad's sperm turned into baby hippos. Like, tiny baby hippos, pocket-sized. I am so fucked up.
i have no feeling in my penis or fingers but i think it was worth it
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
He wanted to have sex in a church because he has keys to it from court-ordered community service. WHAT IS STANDARDS?
Would you mind pretending to be lesbians just for like three emails?
I have suspicion of morning wood.
How are you unsure as to the current state of your penis?
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
Pretty sure the waitress here is concerned about well being bc I've been here drinking by myself for 3 hours. If only I could show here FB so she'd know I'm not alone...
Lol for real, I'm Kylie Jenner "this is my year of realizing things" right now
I just met a drunk old lady with a bedazzled life alert alarm around her neck. I love casinos
I know its 2 in the morning and everything. But i just straight up yelled "DON'T YOU UNDERSTAND THIS WORLD IS DIFFICULT ENOUGH AS IT IS WITHOUT YOU PULLING THIS BULLSHIT ON ME" to my taco. Because it fell apart on me. I think i might be cracking under this finals pressure.
when I walked in the door they were passed out naked, on top of eachother, with tetris controllers in their hands.
Randomize
