Fuck you I wanted that fabulous flaming homo to win american idol...its like we lost the gay marriage vote...again
I'm beginning to feel kind of at home at Police stations
I feel like I have streams of color and coldness wrapping around my body.
he has the hands of the vagina gods.
The only thing worse than being arrested is the fact the cop confiscated my green dinosaur costume.
The one thing I know about living in Vegas is the closest I'll ever come to being a father is singing the theme song from Full House to a garbage can while I eat an entire birthday cake.
How bad is it if you swallow a really small piece of glass? Be optimistic if possible I'm anxious about it.
and it seems i've caught your masturbating bug. thanks.
The Blue Grotto manager called. He asked me for your name and number. Apparently, on reviewing the videotape he noticed you consumed a whole pizza by yourself. He indicated that he has a tshirt for you and wants to put your picture on his eating wall of fame. Apparently, you are the first such person to complete this incredible feat of eating. Congratulations to you!! I am so proud.
OH GOOD GOD THE BUFFALO WING SAUCE IS BURNING MY FUCKING CUNT. WHY THE FUCK DID I AGREE TO SPICY AND NOT MILD
This kid wants me to stop partying. Like I have only known you for 5 days. Chill.
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
I had sex on a seadoo on the middle of the lake lastnight
Profesor just winked at me. This class might be easier than I thought
Wakes up in a cold sweat at 3am, 136 unread messages and the preview on the notification is "I JUST GOT TO THE INCEST PART"
Randomize
