Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
why didn't you tell me his penis tasted like oreos?
Your beautifulness. Funnyness. Sexy hairness. Coolness. Plus you ask google how far wendys is from your house. Will you marry me
I knew things were bad when I walked in on you feeding juice to your iPhone
hey your mom heard me say to her " That right your not going to Shit right for a month"
I am almost positive I asked to milk her when I was saying my goodbyes.
I packed spaghetti and rum. But panties? Nah
I think you're too young for vagina rejuvenation but I guess you have never been one to listen. Sounds good! You bring the Percocet ill bring the vodka!
We should go, because after those margaritas time is running out on my sobriety clock.
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
I told my boyfriend that the thing I missed most about him was scratching his balls for him.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
I have a completly random but serious question. Can I make a paper mache mold of you ass and turn it into a pinata filled with airplane bottles of liquor? Its for my art class
Not going to lie, when I looked in the tub I expected to see what might have been remnants of a squirrel.
Randomize
