I still think their baby is ugly. I also still think it's yours.
it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
if i were reduced to my simplest elements, i would be jizz and glitter.
My brother just put in eyedrops to talk to my mom on the phone
No, its ok. Im playing strip pretty pretty princess im currently dueling for the crown
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
after she rolled over and said 'i'm so glad you're like my gay best friend, love you' then left. did i just get friendzoned AFTER sex??
I woke up with a russian doll attached to my necklace and a post-it note with "keep babushka safe" written on it. Fuck vodka
I wasn't trying to be rude when I hurriedly walked past you, but I can not put in to words exactly how bad I had to shit.
My attorney has my name in her roldex as need to hit that. Im gonna win my case
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
You have ruined sex with him for me. Now all I think is "boy scout" and I want to go home
She still didn't believe that he would cheat on her so I finally said "how else would I know that his batman mask is still in the back of his car from halloween?" I think she accepted it
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
Promise me if ever I think I can't do anything, remind me that I waxed my own butthole
Randomize
