well I can't set my house on fire every night
Lets go to the mall and pick up some fat chicks and take them out tonight so we can be the skinny friends
I had a bacon mcgriddle for the first time today. It was like eating a baby angel.
Whats the glycemic index on semen?
There's a sucker born every minute but swallowers are harder to find.
So glad I found your sister.
Girl next to me just said "as a guy I used to sweat but not I don't. it's awesome" Oh. My. God.
She forced me to throw up so it would "rejuvenate" me. It worked and then we took six more shots and did a keg stand. You know what I call that? Friendship.
Birthday Coupon: This text is good for alteast 3 hours of Birthday Sex. Redeamable any time, anywhere, and any style.
I think throwing up in my her purse is probably why we broke up
Thanks for the drunken voicemail of bird calls. Love and miss you, too.
i feel like this needs to be a 'lose some teeth' kind of weekend.
I'm 25 and I shit my bed last night. And I'm telling you about it. Not sure which is worse
I've never wanted to punch a 94 year old woman in the vagina, and then call her next of kin to tell them I just muff punched their Gam Gam until today.
My dick has a subreddit
Just please try not to piss Danny off, I really can't afford to find a new drug dealer again
Randomize
