You should really figure out how to get me a picture that will pop up on my phone when you call
Just upload a picture of Bea Arthur. That's what my soul looks like these days
Me too. I'd like to spend all next summer high and drunk and riding ponies and boys.
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night
I was too drunk to read the menu, let alone her body language.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
#1 lesson to be learned from mardi gras this year: lock your car doors or some grimy dude like me might just bang in it and use your backseat as a kleenex
you flashed my boyfriend last night so i tackled you to the floor. you may be a bit sore.
everyone thought he was too sick to make it, but he showed up. Ten minutes in and he's doing vodka shots with nyquil chasers
trading diseases for a hangover? that's either a really good decision or a really, really bad one. we'll find out if he wakes up tomorrow
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
You looked at me, said I was a nice guy. Then you drunkenly climbed on top of me and said you liked me and wanted me.
I am pretty sure I just put SoCo in the bird feeder
But now I'm just thinking when he said he "worked for the airline" he actually meant drug smuggling.
He left stubble rash on my thighs and cooked me bacon before 9am. I need to lock this down STAT
Randomize
