my drunk step mom just informed me my dad likes reverse cowgirl. Please god kill me.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
so my aunt is sitting on the couch, eating a brownie and watching the biggest loser saying how it's not that hard to eat healthy
man i love america
When you're on the hood of a car, 10 mph feels pretty fucking fast.
i find it unbelievable that you didn't think it was necessary to intervene when i started letting people autograph my body with spray tan.
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
I think girls have an advantage in chugging contests. We know how to just open our throats.
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
If I spent my amateur stripper money does that mean I am cleansed of my sins?
I genuinely attribute some of my blowjob skills to playing saxophone in highschool
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
LEAVE ME AND MY NIPPLES ALONE
Part of my tooth flew in my eye when the dentist was drilling my cavity then I was sent to the ER. Fucking never going back
It's okay to masturbate while watching the Comey testimony right?
He's eating me out right now. That's how bad he is.
Randomize
