You just made me feel so damn special
I swear I am going to pee, wipe my vag with my hand, and then slap you in the face with it.
whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
TAKE DOWN THAT PHOTO OF ME IN THE NURSES COSTUME NOW.
Does Vicodin go better with white or red wine?
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
She just came to my house, with puke in her hair, to wake up my dad and scream "happy fathers day you DILF!" at the top of her lungs
first one here with a pint of chicken lo mein, aspirin, and diet green tea ginger ale, gets a full effort bj the day after tomorrow.
I just puked my brains out on the side of the road (see picture) And I took a picture for our scrapbook! I am always thinking! =) tell me your proud?!
My phone just autocorrected 'vagina' to 'vaginihilation'...when exactly did I need to convey total annihilation by lady parts??
We tried to hook you up with a girl but you said you'd rather fuck the large muscular black man because "At least he'd be tight". He was the bouncer, he heard you.
Bro if you were a bird I would puke in your mouth right now
Why is my car covered in what appears to be salsa verde?
See what happens when I don't get laid? I make poor life decisions, like buying baby ducks.
She is dumping me if she doesn't get a ring by Valentines. So one more month of free sex and it will be back to the right hand.
Randomize
