im marching my happy ass in there and im not leaving until he cheats on his girlfriend!
I threw up so much beer last night that my puke had a nice head on it.
Do you think anyone has ever tried to have sex with a cows udder before?
you didnt know i had herpes?
He's a navy seal. He can stick it anywhere he wants.
He just helps fat girls get exercise. One walk of shame at a time.
No way. Our relationship is based solely on texting and sex. A phone call would be too much at this point.
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
he thinks the dog can do a keg stand. i will let you know how it turns out
i just shaved my vag. i figure it gave me about ten more minutes to drink tomorrow.
he pulled a $400 bottle of champagne out of the back part of his toiled and I was ready to blow him then and there
My plan to masturbate 34 times on my 34th birthday backfired. Do you still have those crutches?
Oh my fucking god how fucking embarrassing never again will I mix drugs at a family barbecue
One of my favorite March activities is cropdusting people while wearing a kilt.
The only thing good about being back at work is the lunch time hand jobs from the MILF
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