a drug dealer just gave me his business card. it had his face on it drinking a 40oz
I'm not 100% on this, but I'm pretty sure I just accidently talked my way into a threesome.
Did your dad mention the fact that you asked him for viagra at 2 in the morning?
i woke up to him dangling his cock in front of my face
you know it's time to start studying when you've procrastinated to the point where you're reading your roommate's ex-boyfriend's wall posts from 2006.
After 2 hrs of driving around looking for him, we just found him sleeping in the bed of my truck with the cover closed, cuddling with the spare tire.
He started to lose his balance halfway through his "commencement speech" at the top of the staircase. The rest is bloody, profanity-laiden history.
Blood. All over. Pre coke adventure needs to slow down unless I'm involved
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
I flashed a party boat full of Asians yesterday, didn't I?
I heard you were drinking whiskey straight from the bottle last night.
Actually I was drinking whiskey straight from 3 bottles, but that is neither here nor there.
Don't get me wrong, the sex itself is amazing, but I don't think I will EVER get used to her habit of singing lines Jesus christ super star when she is about to cum.
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
It's the kind of dick you travel across the country for
I AM A GOOD PERSON AND THEREFORE I DESERVE QUALITY DICK!
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