I just ate a cockroach and I want to be a fire truck.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
I don't even know why I got my vag waxed
Ugh, tell me about it. As each day passes and the hair grows more, I get a little more depressed.
If i come home from court on friday.. i'm definitely doing something illegal.
I truly don't know anything about sober relationships. Normally I would just drunkenly yell "sex?" in a guy's face. What do I do now? Be like, sooo uhhh, wanna do it? Awkward, and even worse, I will remember clearly just how awkward it was.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Let's just go topless and paint glitter over our nipples who the fuck cares
Let's just say my vagina is not superimpressed with the superintendent of schools.
I'm thinking blowjobs and wheelchair sex should be part of any post-injury wellness plan.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
I saw a spider on my bed and my first reaction was to throw my weed bag to safety
Stop talking and go back to bed. You're in the kitchen in your underwear and slept in your car.
I just texted him from the other room to come have sex with me-stress relieved
You are such a millennial
Drunk. Come get me. Out front blue shirt.
Where are you? And you borrowed my shirt. I know what you're wearing. How wasted are you?
Hotel
WHICH HOTEL??
So I have a horrible yeast infection right now and I learned that Scott is cheating on me and now he has a yeast infection in his mouth and in his stomach a pretty aggressive one too. I believe the doctors call it thrush. Text me in the morning tell me what you think.
Randomize