After going down on me he either said "there, it's over" or "there's an odor"... I couldn't hear him and was too embarrassed to ask him to repeat himself. I just got dressed, grabbed my bag, and left. So I don't think there's gunna be a second date. =(
well, atleast the road to alcoholism is fun.
She looks like Sash Grey but sounds like Fran Drescher. Advise.
Im already sauced. Have been for hours. Its kinda my thing.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
WHY DO SO MANY HOBOS THINK I'M CUTE.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
How much morphine is too much? Keep in mind that I'm going to my graduation dinner with my parents.
I'm drunk in your building find me and we can have sex.
I think I just danced on the bar. With a man named Alabama.
Thank you for turning 21. I'm going to love reading your texts.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
if you come you're not allowed to wear pants. if you arrive wearing pants you won't be wearing them long.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
Today some guy at work told me I had the nicest hair he's ever seen and my response was "thanks I grew it myself". This is why I'm single.
Randomize