the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
What are you doing St Patricks day? I'm banned from all work parties with open bar ever since the cinco de mayo party that I dumped a drink on my co-workers head and played air guitar on my boss' ankle cast.
I did what any insensitive guy would do bought her friends shots and tried to fuck them
You BETTER NOT STEAL MY MOTHERFUCKING SQUIRREL
My gyno overestimated by 3 TIMES the amount of sex we have per week. First of all, he must think I'm a freak. Secondly, I think we should catch up.
Can you get the drug form of snow for the blizzard this weekend?
I will kick you in all of your body parts. All at once.
Ate a live seahorse, then tried to order a nacho bell grande from an ATM.
How the fuck do you get to keep practicing as a Nurse.
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I feel worse lying to the guy I hooked up with than I actually do for cheating on my bf
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
Woke up way too warm in the middle of a spooning sandwich. Was working up a rant about still not wanting a threesome. Then I realized the littlest spoon was the dog. Might need to break up anyway.
It was a good thing I was on the balcony flashing those guys or I would have never seen her skipping to his car
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