hey babe thanks for tonight, it was fun.
to be honest, i wanna fuck your friend.
the more pounds shes got the more points. bonus points awarded for specialty moves used. aka broken cowboy, tobogan, dutch oven, or brazilian fake out.
watching a depressing episode of spongebob while high is the most depressing thing i have ever experienced
Just found out I slapped a vegan in the face with meat last night.
You said "It's ok guys, I know I'm not really a turtle" and then tried walking on the lake.
now that we've slept with the entire soccer team i think its time to expand the horizon.
If i ever start ordering tequila again please tackle me to the ground and steal my wallet
He just told me that when we were doing it I told him I was the captain and he was the boat. Im too embarassed to ask for money for a cab.
this mall makes me feel like I just rolled a 9 in jumanji and got the stampede card
Claiming territory at this party means signing a girls ass...I've got dibs on a blonde
I bought new panties to console myself ... you know, because I am going to lose my ovaries. Well, if I don't die of a heart attack first. But at least when the EMS folks find me, I'll be finely dressed from the waist down.
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
On the flip side, we did almost have sex wearing a gorilla mask and deer antlers.............
Note to self, the correct response when a guy tells you he likes you as a person is not "ew"
Last thing googled on my laptop last night was vagina chaffing. What the fuck?
Randomize
