So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
I just named my vagina "The Boneyard"
More like "Chia Pet"
all i know is that each time we woke up we were at a different chinese restaurant. help.
He was making tequila spiked Arnold Palmers and murmuring things in Spanish.
I love foreign exchange students.
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
the night got glorious when you tried to do an upside down keg stand with a near empty key and dropped it on your face
After a few mimosas, my mom started sharing her plans to move out of the house and into a retirement village so she can be the youngest one there and find herself a "nice old sugar daddy." Needless to say, break has not started off well...
I am drunk please bring Taco Bell and sex
Never mind I found pizza just bring sex
I drew you a picture of Jesus holding hands with Frida Kahlo as a token of my gratitude
Nothing like cleaning out your cleavage from lunch, finding cookie crumbs and eating them...
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
The poop emoji wasn't even in my recents. Does that mean I'm growing up?
For the record you're a very classy lady and your love for and mastery of strap-ons is amazing. I would gladly marry you and father your offspring
Also, two points for knowing me well enough to know I definitely would put the moves on his brother.
I just realized u compared me to a coconut
Randomize
