We walked in and the first thing we heard was, "OH SHIT! White chicks!" Naturally, I made some new male friends.
So the waitress at the Chinese Buffet totally just said "Adios" to a Hispanic couple. There's something you don't see every day.
All I remember is saying that "fire will make it all better"
If i apologize for punching you in the liver repeatedly will you explain where the grass stains on my shoulders came from?
All I got from that conversation with the officer was "blah blah blah, you're disgusting, blah blah blah, $500 fine, blah blah blah, be in court Tuesday."
We should invent fake asshair for you to wear so you can experience my pain for a day.
That's the kind of break up sex that keeps couples together. Damn.
I'm like a magical alcohol dispenser. I pulled this kahlua out of my vagina.
We are finally out of the honeymoon stage of the relationship because it turns out that you can't come back from peeing on me in your sleep.
Not yoga, whiskey. Totally mis-typed whiskey.
it's just weird to think of you as a teacher since ive seen you throw up raspberry bacardi in my parents house
I had a sex with someone last night and I was so drunk. i told him to tell me his whole name so I can say it back to him in a "sexy" way.... Because I forgot it
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
We didn't have a place to have sex. So we timed the automatic car wash & spent $9 for 3 minutes and 45 secs of car sex.
Did you really think putting a napkin over your head would make you giving him a bj less obvious?
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