I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
I just watched the quarterback of Purdue get shut down by a girl at a bar. not a good omen
Ok just saw a girl open a pillbox, dump it out on her notebook and count out 13 adderall tabs and put them in a baggie and leave. Oh hey college.
I got you a housewarming gift. It starts with "A" and ends with "bottle of Jameson"
You kept asking who was the good cop and who was the bad cop, you said you only wanted to talk to the good one
Be careful there's warming lubricant on the floor. I will clean and explain later.
Woke up with a full plate of KFC next to my face. I didn't really question it.
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
i asked the cop if we could stop and do a chinese firedrill.... he said no.
ummm im also counting the $14 dollars I gave the old guy to pay for the cab I called for him to take to the hospital last night as part of ur present.
Lesson learned. Don't roleplay with a real knife.
Welcome to my Tuesday when my lesbian ex girlfriend shows up unexpectedly and gets me drunk and then leaves
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
11:30 and people are pissing in the sink. It's gonna be a good night.
I'll be naked. By 11. Then arrested. Drunk tank adventures
Randomize
