I just hope my dad was drunk enough to not remember the whole convo we had about anal.
GM filed for bankruptcy, all the dealerships closed, and it's june and I'm in jeans and a sweatshirt and I'm cold. What is the point of living in this state anymore?
Go ahead. I tried to back up ur budhism story but she mite be catching on
Dammit. I hoped that would work. Just tell her I'm doing my pilgrmidge to Nepal or something.
How dare she call you insensitive. Should have told her about the time you let that girl in the wheelchair wearing the sombrero blow you.
Well if all fails we can always become surrogate mothers. I hear that pays well.
I know this request is pointless but you two please try to keep the drinking and drug use to a minimal, I have bail money so write my number on your arm and a "if found call", wear a life jacket and act like a responsible 28 year old please.
it wasn't until he got that douchey haircut that i started regretting sleeping with him
Still not sure if my open-bar-week-long-trip to Cuba is the best idea as a congratulations-for-my-sober-february-challenge. My liver might just explode and give up.
the first cop to show up was this girl who hooked up with our home ec teacher in high school, she knows about questionable decisions
He wants to tie me naked and spread out on his table, press a vibrator to my clit and feed me ice cream.
That is my stoner wet dream!
HOLY FUCK I almost floated out of the city. Thank god my dog kept me down.
She pinched my nipples too hard I THINK THEYRE GONE
I TOLD YOU ABOUT GOTH CHICKS BRO. I WARNED YOU
if you and your penis don't hurry up, I'm getting drunk without you.
come on Dane.. ive been there. im like the female version of you, except with morals
When you puked on me I said to you "we will just say that you threw some mostacholi at me"
Randomize