i got really high and listened to the spongebob squarepants theme song and, i swear to god, it was in german.
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
a commercial for my antidepressant came on and they said you shouldn't take if if you drink right as i took a shot
god is laughing at you again
Sorry I didn't take you making out with him all night as a hint you wanted nothing to do with him...
He said he wanted to go to France " just to piss in the nice areas". I want to fuck him.
Well there is another shower in Nov. So I have three months to figure out how to get some drunk space fucking. May need some of your mead
I'm sorry, you might have to start setting aside some time in your day for my pussy.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
He asked me who my new boyfriend was and I showed him a picture of my sex toys.
WHO TURNS DOWNA FRESHLY WAXED VAGINA IN A MAIDS COSTUME LITERALLY LAYING IN YOUR BED
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I don't know what to do about my nipple.
My hands smell like penis... I can't even remember the last time i touched a penis, but my hands say i did. Oh the mystery.
We get up to three toppings. Dignity is not one of them.
So, I just ordered a breathalyzer for this weekend. I figured if I'm getting shitfaced, I should at least be scientific about it.
Randomize
