I took off my bra and money fell out...how crazy was I tonight?
Fake titties should be able inflate and deflate like tires. So on Saturday you can put on your Double D hooker titties or Sunday put on your size B church tits.
There is something just so refreshing and wonderful about an uninterrupted morning poop in the office.
i tried slipping money on her dresser whenever she brings guys home hoping she'll start to question her goals in life... i think its only encouraging her
Way too hungover to be taking this many family pictures
I kept telling myself all night that it was completely okay for me to lose all sense of my morals because it was my birthday.
If he starts "inventing" things cut him off. The last thing he invented was chocolate chip green beans and he destroyed my kitchen
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
I honestly wish you had parked the car in the terminal garage and fucked me in the backseat but I guess I should be more forward
You tried tipping the cashier at Cook Out by shoving a dollar bill down his shirt and yelling "Magic Mike"
I feel like I should be doing a victory lap around my house to the rocky music, or zapping and smiting people with my mystic wizard powers
Why is there a water bottle full of red wine on my desk this morning?
See you tonight.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
SOS... STANDING IN THE BAR NEXT TO MY BF AND THE GUY WHO I HOOKED UP WITH ON CHRISTMAS DAY..
i black out too much to be "responsible"
Randomize
