Today a TA in one of my classes told me he thought I was 35 and going back to school as an adult learner. Alcohol is working me.
The best revenge is premature balding
I know im too high when i think porn has an interesting story line.
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
So it turns out my dad calls his penis "John" which means he either named me after his penis or his penis after me
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
we woke up to him feeding us cheetos at 3am. and by feeding i mean shoving them in our mouths and saying "i mean who doesn't like cheetos"
I will no longer accept being cock blocked in my own bed.
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
Thanks for getting me stoned. My manager started quizzing me about the menu and I struggled until he asked me to describe the tortilla soup. I said "tasty"
Piñatas plus fireworks don't mix well
They're fighting and it sounds intense. Cross your fingers for their demise
Toss in some raw meat and play heavy metal music. It will insight violence.
you guys have a strange definition of the word fun. I would have said dangerous, terrifying, or life-threatening. of course, bowling can now be described the same way.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
We're on our way. We couldn't find our clothes this morning, so we're driving your car half naked. You owe me a cigarette.
Randomize
