Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
nobody is as good of a wingman as me. i make whoever im with look like mark wahlberg during his underwear model phase
She said she could kiss it, just not put it in her mouth. Because that would be cheating..
Did you know they have alcohol AND weed delivery in Canada??? I'm not EVER coming home
I kno. She bruised her chin trying to swim thru the hardwood floor.
he just hooked up with some chick in a bedroom upstairs so I just went to sleep in the pantry closet...
What vodka is american?
Skyy. I already looked it up for 4th of july.
The bouncer was just about to kick Sarah out for getting with this guy 'too physically'. I told him that was 'her style' and he let them stay. Banter.
Am I a bad person for getting my ex to DD me and a random hookup home last night?
I slipped in the shower today and broke my lighter..
Though the booty shorts might give me an extra discount. Or arrested. We'll see.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
If there was a gecko involved in your BDSM I'm gonna have to request that not happen when we live together ;)
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
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