shes hot in the i'd deny it if anyone asked kinda way
You wanna call me after your homoerotic shower?
Id pretty much put it in anything at this point. Jello. Dogs. 12 year old boys
i wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commericals
he wanted to have sex on the little rocking chair but i was too high to figure out how to do that so we did it on the floor.
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
im in class. still drunk. wearing one sock. eating a breakfast sandwich and trying to make sure this bottle of whiskey doesnt fall out of my purse in front of my professor
What do you want me to say to her? "Oh hey, I need to borrow your soon to be husband to make a porn, cool?"
Note to self: last nights makeup does NOT, under ANY circumstances, look good today.
It is completely possible to eat beef jerky sexually.
Much like Dre, I was forgotten about.
Remember earlier when I was excited about finding that birth control pill in my purse? Definitely acid.
Watching Supernatural does more for me sexually than the physical encounters with 90% of the men in my life.
:(. i have vodka in a fire extinguisher. that solves all problems. except fires. it would actually make that worse.
This is getting exciting. I almost wanna turn off all the lights, get some popcorn, and stare at my phone screen to see if she's going to say yes or not
And on a much sadder note, I'm way to drunk for this right now
Randomize
