What can I say...he's packing some serious heat down there. You wouldn't expect that looking at him, huh?
I guess God knew he was going to be bald...
You were waisted for 48 hours and the only 3 words you said were yup, sure, and michigan
NO YOU'RE NOT. I don't want to hear that SHIT. Jameson appreciation day part 1 is saturday and YOU WILL BE READY.
our conversations pretty much only consist of the phrase 'fuck you'. and the sex is fantastic. we've got a great thing going here.
Can you explain to me how i got kicked out of a bar last night, from outside the bar?
Is it penis luge time yet?
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
Woke up this morning on my doorstep in a basket with a branch, a lipstick lightning bolt on my head and a sign that said "the boy who lived." i love you guys.
I will tell my future kids about the time I went to the bar with a stomach virus. Like a champ.
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Going through Bojangles drive thru chanting "KFC" hammered at 8:00 was the highlight.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
I keeping finding meatballs in random places
According to timehop today marks the 3rd anniversary of my 1st blackout
there is glitter all over my balls
Randomize
