I have a running excel spreadsheet detailing the number of shots in a night and subsequent ability to masturbate
so i hit rock bottom, god threw me a shovel. i continued to dig.
i've already watched her fall off the steps, walk up on our porch and try to dance with the dog, and stumble across the street to stand outside the neighbors window...is it taking it too far to watch this rando girl and some guy have sex behind our parking lot now?
all she had left on were here heels. phone five
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
i was playing the convince him im sober game through texting. i spelled most of the words right. i hope.
Do you think a former stripper/heroin addict constitutes as a high risk sexual partner?
I jumped on his cock in 2 seconds flat. Thanks mom for sending me to gymnastics when I was a kid.
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
Captain Morgan didnt let me down when i stand up it feels like the world is trying to hand me rainbows.
I lost my bar virginty and made out with a dwarf. It was a good night
If I send Ben a tit pic but I do it while wearing a Tom Brady mask is that funny or creepy
and then the sword just ended up between my legs
I don't even remember what dignity looks like anymore. I JUST WANTED TO ROAST SOME POTATOES
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