I never thought I would get head to the lion king soundtrack
He felt like a one man threesome
no, literally. he fb chatted me and said "since you're online i figured we could bang tonight?"
Damn it if I pass out in the bathroom one more time this month im going to rehab...
Sorry about all of the penis things that happened last night.
Drinking Fireball means never having to say you're sorry. Unless its at you're arraignment.
i fucking swear, saying shit like "i dont get jealous" is like personally inviting your slutty friend to fuck the guy you slept with like a month ago
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
My Wonder Woman lingerie has been defiled by man. I'm a horrible Amazon.
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
I'm happy I peed in your laundry basket last night
so i just met a former male stripper who has a lion king tattoo. new BFF? i think yes
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
No one can touch me, I'm made of fruit.
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